How many of us desperately want to connect, want to have a sit-down serious conversation with someone, want to talk about our fears and hopes and worries and secrets and stories, but we just don’t know how?
Once we’re in the environment, our mouth and our hearts open and we talk. But initiating can make us feel anxious, unworthy, shy, tongue-tied, or all other things.
So, if you are sitting there thinking, “I would love to talk to this person about issues in my relationship” or “It would help so much to tell someone about my struggle with alcohol” or “My anxiety is through the roof and I want to vent”, but you’re stuck or obsessing over how to get the ball rolling, here is what I suggest:
Simple is best. If you are like me (well, more like how I was – I have improved significantly in this domain), you might be stumbling over the perfect words, rehearsing them over and over, not wanting to sound too needy, not wanting to bother anyone, and so and on so forth. And before you know it, it’s a month later and you still haven’t said anything.
So, keep it simple.
“Hey – I’d love to chat for a few at some point. Could we find a time?”
See? No obsessive apologizing, no worrying about how much info you’re giving, just straight and to the point.
You don’t have to put disclaimers, you don’t have to apologize, you don’t have to self-deprecate (“I know I’m a mess” or “Sorry I always bother you”). Also, let me remind you: it is not your job to worry about burdening or overtaxing the other person. Your job is to ask for what you need. Their job is to be honest about what they are able to do. If someone isn’t free and can’t talk, it’s on them to set a boundary and say so.
Keep it simple. Take a breath. And press “send”.
One comment
So simple…but can be so hard. I struggle with no t apologizing, qualifying, and making self-deprecating comments in my request.