Today with a group of 8th graders in their speech/language therapy session, we read a passage about Ruby Bridges, coupled with vocabulary words and comprehension questions.

When we read the part about some people not wanting to integrate, we talked about the word. “When her school integrated,” I said, “it meant that they started to allow blacks and whites to go to school together. It didn’t matter what color your skin was, you could go to that school.” Trying to draw a connection, I continued, “For example, our school is integrated.”

“No it’s not!!!” an 8th grade boy piped in.

“Well, it is,” I explained. “Students of any race can come to this school.”

“No,” he continued. “Most people are white here. There are a few black kids but I’m Hispanic and I think there’s only one other Hispanic kid! And let me think…yeah, there’s only one Chinese kid!” He sat defensively on the edge of his seat and knowing him as well as I do, I could see he was gearing up for a fight.

“You’re right,” I simply said. “Most people here are white. You’re right. We are an integrated school, but we are not a balanced school. You are in the minority. That means there are less people who are Hispanic than people who are white.”

He kind of did a double take and I could see his brain thinking, like, wait, what? She’s going to acknowledge that? She’s not going to convince me that it doesn’t matter that there aren’t many kids like me? She’s not going to tell me that I’m just like everyone else and the color of my skin doesn’t matter?

He thought about it. “I’m not white,” he said.

“I know.” I replied.

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In an effort to be SO accepting and encompassing of everyone, I think we’ve actually swung the pendulum too far. We [and I’m not referring to me, or you, just a general we as a general population] often don’t even discuss race, dismissing it right away, assuming that is the right thing to do.

“Race doesn’t matter!” we smile and say.

“But I’m different,” they say.

“No you’re not!” we respond. “We don’t even see the color of your skin! It doesn’t matter! We aren’t even going to talk about it – let’s move on!”

You’re not hearing me, they think. You’re not seeing me. I know you aren’t judging me by the color of my skin, but people DO judge me. And I AM different. And I just wish someone would acknowledge that.

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In not talking about it, we’ve made it taboo. In trying to avoid highlighting others’ differences, we are highlighting their differences. We are stopping people from talking about things that matter to them.

I have a younger student who is black and in nearly every opportunity she gets, she brings in race. “I was out to lunch and then the server was mixed and I ordered ice cream,” or “Yeah and I was at my friend’s house who is white like you,” or “In the book I’m reading a black kid like me is the main character.” It matters to her. She’s trying to understand the world.

We tell kids it doesn’t matter how they look because we’re trying to comfort them. What we really mean is, “I like you and care about you independent of what you look like. The color of your skin doesn’t make me like you any less.” Our intentions are good. But when we refuse to talk about it even though it matters to them, even though they want to talk about it, even though across the country people are being treated differently because of the color of their skin, we’re closing them off and sending the message that they don’t matter.

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They matter.

I will never stop learning lessons from my students.