Tag

gratitude

Thankfulness does not negate

[Note: These words were swimming inside of me and wanted to come out so I just wrote it super quickly, and I tried to edit it, but there’s pretty much no way to coherently express these thoughts, so I’m just going to go with it and press publish, and leave it upon you to try and figure out what I’m trying to say.]

Thanksgiving is a time to be grateful and thankful for what we have. And that’s a great thing – too often, in our busy lives, we go day-to-day without acknowledging the little (or big) things that we are fortunate to have. And many studies point to gratitude as a mood booster, as a way to make us happier.

Yes.

But.

While gratitude and thankfulness absolutely provide a source of comfort, they don’t negate. They can help, and ease, and calm, but they don’t have the power to completely eliminate those things that evoke sadness, depression, anxiety, fear, doubt.

Thankfulness doesn’t erase or change the pain, the trauma, the grief, the fear – but we are often led to believe that. During dark times, we often hear advice like, “Focus on the good” and “Count your blessings” and “Be thankful for your health”. And so we try. And we do. And yet our mood, our outlook, our behaviors, don’t necessarily change. Which leaves us feeling even worse.

It invites in thoughts like,

If I have so much to be grateful for, I shouldn’t deal with anxiety as often as I do.

If there’s so many other things to be thankful for, I shouldn’t feel so sad about losing my beloved grandpa.

If I made a long list of all of the great things in my life, maybe I have no right to feel as _______ as I do.

What I’ve learned, and am always re-learning, is that it’s an and, not a but.

I’m thankful for my health, and I struggle with anxiety.

I’m thankful for my family, and I am still heartbroken and devastated after losing my grandpa.

I have so many wonderful things in my life, and I have a hard time sometimes.

Please understand – talk of gratitude is real, it’s researched-based, it’s well-meaning, and it’s important. So on this Thanksgiving, yes, absolutely, count your blessings. Hold them close and focus on what you have to be thankful about. Yes.

And. If you are having a hard time, if there’s something causing you grief, or anguish, or sadness, or fear, acknowledge it. As a separate entity. Knowing it can co-exist with gratitude and thankfulness. Knowing they don’t negate one another.

Rid yourself of the pressure to feel bright and happy and colorful, if you’re just not there. Your thankfulness might lighten you, might make you smile, might help. I hope it does. But if it doesn’t fix, if it doesn’t cure, if it doesn’t eliminate?

It was never supposed to.

And for me – that realization is a deep breath, a sigh of relief.

Thankful

Obviously I’m thankful for my health, happiness, and loved ones. But those are such big, abstract things. And in moments of darkness or despair or sadness, those things are often impossible to channel, to comprehend, to use as an anchor. So the little things, the concrete, the every day things that give me a quick burst of gratitude and happiness, need to be highlighted, too. Like the perfect cup of coffee. The sun on my face. My sky-blue Snuggie. The feeling I get every time I’m brave enough to press “publish” on a blog post. Coloring books. Books in general, captivating and taking me away in them. The bursting, filling-up-my-soul feeling that certain songs give me. One of my kids who runs into my office, smiling and squealing, genuinely thrilled to see me every single day. Stuffed animals and how they still give me comfort and connection to my inner child. My brightly-colored, mismatched socks. Dressing up for theme-days at work. Sunsets. Sunrises. The endless wonder the sky brings me. The list goes on and on and even writing this makes me think of more. So. Today, I am thankful for all of the big things. But I am consciously taking  note of the small things, too.

What are the small, every day things that you’re thankful for?

Today’s gratitude

  1. How strong, sexy, and confident I felt at the gym tonight

  2. Walking outside to another building while at work and getting a moment of bright sun beaming down on my face

  3. Successfully helping my student through an autistic meltdown, and having a productive therapy session with him including many giggles.