Tag

exercise

When “strong is the new skinny” becomes a problem

More and more recently, the phrase “Strong is the new skinny” has been circulating. At first, I liked it. Yes! A push for women to be muscular and strong, and not a focus on losing weight! Awesome! This is how we should all think! This is going to make us all feel great about ourselves! But as time has gone on, I’ve seen that phrase go two different ways.

The first path that phrase can take is a healthy one. I have many, many friends who love exercising. I know people who lift weights multiple times each week, who run marathons each month, who practice yoga on a daily basis. These people love to exercise, love how it makes them feel. And I am all for that. As a (related) sidenote, I highly recommend the book, Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain by John C. Ratey. It completely changed how I view exercise and enlightened me on the physiological, brain/body connection between exercise and various physical and mental disorders and syndromes.

The people who walk this path exercise for fun, for a hobby, and as an added bonus, it makes them feel strong. The people on this path tend to not run/lift/go to yoga because they feel lazy or worthless. They do those activities because they love them. They feel the pumping in their heart, they feel how capable their bodies are. These people might miss out or feel disappointed when they skip exercising because they are sick or injured or tired, but it doesn’t ruin them.

The second path the phrase can take is the one that is concerning. Sometimes we trick ourselves, convince ourselves what we want to believe. We tell ourselves, “I’m not focused on losing weight anymore! So I’m healthy!” And sometimes, that’s true. But sometimes? You’ve just swapped one addiction for another. Maybe once you spent hours at the gym trying to burn calories and lose pounds, and now you spend hours at the gym trying to gain muscle and get to a higher weight on the bench press. Yes, you can tell yourself that you’re “healthier” because this time you’ve eaten enough calories to sustain your workout, because you’re not trying to lose weight, because your heart isn’t as likely to stop. But the bottom line is that if you still have that underlying panicky feeling if you miss a workout, if you can’t run, if you can’t lift, if you can’t get stronger, it might still be the same issues morphed into another form, hidden behind a cute little, “strong is the new skinny” mask.

Exercise can be a fine line between healthy and obsessively unhealthy. And I think it’s a line we all struggle with to an extent – I certainly have questioned my motivations for going to the gym before. The way I try to think about it, is: are you are exercising (in any form) to make your body feel good, to feel your muscles contract, to feel the blood pump, to enjoy the endurance and strength? Or, are you exercising because if you don’t, you’ll be anxious, feel disgusted, feel weak, and just in general feel negative?

Again, like everything, generalizations don’t fully work, and I am certainly not claiming to have “figured it all out” or that everyone fits into one or the other group. Exercising a lot isn’t always a bad thing, exercising a little isn’t always a bad thing. Heavy lifting can be healthy or unhealthy, running miles each day can be positive or negative. It all has to do with each person’s individual situation; we know this. But I would encourage everyone (myself included, always) to examine their motivations for trying to be strong and fit. Because I am willing to bet that one or two people will realize it’s simply a set of addictions, of negative beliefs, of obsessions that have shifted form.

As always, I welcome thoughts, opinions, anecdotes, and stories – please share!

Conversation

“I love gymnastics,” she says, out of nowhere. “I want to try it again, I quit last year. It was too late at night.”

“I get that,” I say. “I get tired on school nights too. What is your favorite part of gymnastics?”

“The exercise,” she replies. I nod my head. “You like to be moving?”

“I want a flat stomach,” she responds. My heart skips a beat. No no no no. Please, no.

Tread carefully, I remind myself. “Hmmm” is all I can manage. She continues, lifting up her shirt an inch and pinching her stomach. “I do not want this icky fat on me,” she declares.

I think. She’s a wonderful, insightful, unique, verbal, chatty girl. She’s also 15. And a teenage girl. And on the spectrum.

I choose empathy. Even if my words are not processed, I know the feeling will be.

“I get that,” I say. She looks at me. “But you know what? It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if there is fat on your stomach, or anywhere else.”

She is listening.

I continue. “I sometimes have thoughts like that. Many people do. But I remind myself… ”

She interjects, “It does not matter! You are beautiful! It is what is on the inside that matters!”

I know it’s a script. I don’t care. The fact that those are the words she is pulling, in this moment, means that hope and belief and self love are all what she is trying to convey, and convince herself of.

“YES” I answer. And she moves on to a different topic, done with this conversation.

It’s a start.

A different type of self-care

I have had some sort of sore throat/ears are full/swallowing gives me sharp pains/no energy/other pleasant symptoms going on this whole week.

And I haven’t gone to the gym, or exercised, since then. In fact, I’ve barely done anything after work besides lay on the couch and occasionally go into the kitchen to make more tea.

This will resonate with you in one of two ways. Either you’re thinking, “Well, that makes sense, I would hope she’s done nothing but rest” or you’re thinking “Oh that’s so frustrating to lay around and do nothing.”

When you’re sick, you need to rest. But that statement, which should be so simply interpreted, has so many complex layers. Like, my mom reminding me, “When you’re sick you have to take care of yourself.” But going to the gym IS taking care of myself! Working out, in whatever form, helps my brain calm down, helps my digestive system do its job better, helps me feel grounded and strong and solid. So my self-care IS going to the gym! How could I not do it? Plus, in the spirit of being real and raw, I will admit that a part of my brain did start asking me, “Do you need to worry about this? Will you lose muscle or gain weight from laying around on the couch and doing nothing?” The good news? The core part of me, the healthy strong wonderful part of me, that had taken a backseat the past few weeks, did feel a little apprehensive but spoke up and quickly answered, “No. It feels weird and it feels different but this is NOT something I need to worry about.” And for the most part, I didn’t.

Anyway, I guess what I’m mulling about in my minds is how important it is to remember that self-care takes many forms. And it can look different on different days and in different situations. So in this case? Self-care is laying on the couch and napping and eating a lot of brown rice pasta smothered with cheese. Another day self-care is a hard workout at the gym. And the same goes for anything – some days self-care is drinking two glasses of wine and other days it’s not. Some days self-care is calling a friend, other days it’s having alone time.

Re-reading that I’m struck by (duh – a should’ve been obvious conclusion) the word balance emanating from each of those sentences. And of course! Isn’t that what everything is about? Finding a balance between…well….everything?

I am finding balance. My tea and blankets and books and naps have served me well and I have stretched out my body before bed and in the morning and my body feels good and glad that I rested it and THAT was my self-care these days.

Just go!

I didn’t want to go to yoga today. I got home, my head felt heavy, and I lay (laid? Whatever) down on the couch.

“I’ll skip today. I just can’t do it today.” I tried to tell myself. But, turns out I argue fairly well (ha! If you know me well, this is an understatement). So, I reminded myself,

“Dude. What are you thinking? Yeah, you’re tired. But yoga wakes you up. And your Tuesday yoga class is your favorite. And it has never left you feeling less than ecstatic, proud, strong, energized. So put on a scarf and mittens, and go. ”

So, I did! I can’t even believe I contemplated skipping. I love yoga, I love Tuesday yoga, and I feel so so so good now.

And on that note….
image

FYI, I actually do like lifting. But I literally laughed out loud at this.

A fairly obvious conclusion

Here is one of those pieces of information that we all KNOW is true, but we kind of intuitively forget it until it happens:

Once you’re in the habit of doing something, it’s easier to do it.

I know, I know. Duh. Obviously. Roll your eyes. Whatever. It’s the kind of thing that we have to really make a part of us, truly live it, until it’s internalized again.

I last posted about my habits/resolutions that I’m aiming to increase. Well, it turns out, when I “clean one thing” one day, I usually clean something else. Or clean one thing the next day. And when I “moved my body” one day, I make myself go for a walk the next day. And when I practice “keeping in touch,” it doesn’t seem so overwhelming — and I look forward to it.

None of this is to say that I do all of my resolutions every day. But that’s okay, that is in no way my goal. Perfection isn’t necessary at all.

It’s just getting easier. That’s all I’m sayin’.